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The Indian Odyssey of Michael and Nix

Lose yourself to find yourself. A travelogue of our 6 month journey through India.

Escape from Anandashram - 21st March 2014

3/20/2014

4 Comments

 
Picture
Around 1am last night I asked Nix for a torch then walked to the front door before realizing I had no idea what I was doing. Escaping from Anandashram perhaps.... It’s quite unsettling when the sleep/wake state blurs. I get a strange feeling of emptiness and disorientation afterwards. I used to frequently experience this at  boarding school – waking up in the middle of the night, not knowing where I am or who I am.

Margaret, a kind German lady who has been visiting Anandashram for some 20 years, told me that she’s never met anybody who has as much enthusiasm to learn harmonium as I do. I love it, although I felt disheartened yesterday after hearing Sunder play a bhajan session and feeling I have a long way to go. I realized that this repeatedly happens to me – I work really hard at something, then get disillusioned when I compare myself to others who I think are better than me. It is all ego, and I am missing the point of playing the harmonium for the sake of playing the harmonium. It’s not about  achieving anything. We are so geared up to believe that the point of doing anything is to “succeed”. Ultimately I’m an instrument (probably a harmonium) of Ram and can do nothing by myself. I need to remember this. When I haven’t done so in the past dejection has set in, and I’ve been submerged in a feeling of pointlessness which seriously impedes spiritual growth. It seriously impedes everything as a matter of fact....

Nix came with me to Rajan’s yesterday morning to hand over some photos she had taken at the NSS Auditorium show last month. Vanaja had given her material to make a dress before we left for Amritapuri, so Nix also took the opportunity to show off the finished article. She’s looking pucka Indian now ;) When we get to Mumbai I’m going to send her off for a Bollywood audition. Rowdy Rathore “Don’t Angry Me” feat. Nicola Jane Rixon in the Mixon.... As we had breakfast together after the harmonium class Rajan said my long fingers mean I have a good heart and a natural ability for playing harmonium. He said thieves often have short, fat fingers. I love the Indian way of looking at things. He went on to discuss Women’s Lib in India with Nix and learnt quickly that it’s safest to listen and not answer back ;) Just smile and wave Rajan.... Smile and wave.... 


4 Comments
Wil Wardle
3/22/2014 01:42:57 am

Hi Michael,

I have been meaning to reach out to you for some time now, and thought now is as good a time as any. I have been reading your blog for a few months now, admittedly not every post, but more than a few shall we say. Your thoughts and observations have been striking more than a few chords within me, as I think I am very much in a similar space and what you are writing corresponds in more than a few ways with how I have been feeling about life the universe and everything. Your prose is very eloquent and has a flow to it that I find very engaging. Through your written word I am noticing some real profound change in what I have perceived rightly or wrongly about you in the past. I think your journey through India is quite amazing and remarkable, and it is kindling a desire within me to revisit here at some point. As you point out there is some real magic in India particularly (no doubt due to the many beliefs and acceptance of these), and if you are open to change and to learning and enquiring about yourself and through this inward delving accepting who you can be, if you are open to allow this natural transformation to occur. I am probably not explaining myself very well, but your truth is allowing me to see some truth in who I am and want to be. If one day, we can sit and drink tea and allow discourse to flow I think we will arrive at similar destinations, not the same of course because we are all on our own paths and journeys to self-discovery.

Namaste and safe travels to you and Nix.

Wil.

Reply
Michael
3/24/2014 09:05:14 pm

Hi Will,

Thanks for reaching out. I'm glad you're finding some enjoyment in reading the blog. I'm just using it as a tool to record and remember our experiences, and in some cases help clarify those experiences in my own mind. It's amazing how easy it is to forget - a bit like waking up from a vivid dream, and an hour later remembering only a fraction of it.... But if anyone else gets any benefit from the writing, then that's an added bonus. Anyway, the journey continues (doesn't it always...) The real challenge will be applying everything we've learned back in Cape Town.... That will make dysentery look like a walk in the park ;) I hope you guys are well.


Michael.

Reply
Nicole
3/23/2014 08:12:41 am

I love it!!

Reply
Michael
3/24/2014 09:08:34 pm

Good!

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